Girl's Night

Setting: Local New Orleans Bar 

Time: Approx. 3:30am


I've been single for a few months, but lately when I go out, I dare myself to make some sort of bold move on a guy before we leave the bar.  Tonight was going to be my boldest move ever.  Pick a guy. Any guy.  Ask him to make out.  Make out.  Move on. Easy, right?

In the middle of the dance floor Danielle* and I immediately begin scoping out our prey.  We find two guys and pick one.  As we approach them, before they can say anything we immediately blurt out our requests.  It's a go.  Danielle and I are both making out with two cute guys, and as if we could read eachother's minds we both end our makeout sessions.  We introduce ourselves then walk away. 

As we are deciding our next victims, Danielle* quickly finds one of her liking.  I decide to just ask his friend so that I don't lose her to the drunken mosh pit.  My second makeout session wasn't as good as it could have been, so I decide to find one more for my prey. 

I begin circling the bar leaving Danielle* behind with her makeout buddy for the rest of the night.  Just as I am about to give up hope, I see him.  Standing with three of his friends, bud light in his hand, and a baseball cap on.  All I could really see of his face was his smile.  That's usually what does it for me.  The smile. 

I obviously couldn't resist because the next thing I knew, I was walking up to him, and extending my hand to meet his for a hand shake.  A handshake.  What was I thinking?!  "Hi. I'm Mike*" he said.  "Abbey." I replied.  He proceeded to ask me what made me walk up to him.  "I was wondering if you would like to makeout." I said.  Before I knew it, he had thrown himself around me and began passionately kissing me. 

I've never felt such a rush in my life.  It was a different kind of rush.  It was electric.  Just in that moment alone, I felt something I can only give myself.  The fact that I had the confidence to approach someone I don't know and politely ask them to makeout with me makes me truly believe in myself. I would have never done something like that four years ago.  I have come out of my shell so much, and I am finally seeing how much I have grown as a person. I now know that I am confident, and I couldn't be happier. 

Quick Update

So I know I'm terrible at keeping up with this thing, but here it goes...

I'm single again.  Completely ok with it, but I won't lie... I miss being in a relationship. It's all the couple things I miss doing. I miss cooking for someone. I miss buying things for my apartment just because I knew my significant other liked it and would possibly want whatever it was when they were over. The details, basically. 

Anyway, this blog isn't just about me being single again and what I miss. It's about this new found confidence I've gotten since I removed myself from a toxic relationship.  I have never felt so empowered in my life.  I feel like I am literally on top of the world.  I feel great in my own skin.  I feel confident in myself like never before.

So now that I've caught you (whoever you may be) up, I'll be posting some short stories about my life lately. Hope you enjoy!

Oh, 2011...

It's Thursday. Happy hour day at Carreta's was quite interesting to say the least. I drank plenty margaritas, got drunk, began sobering up, and in the process dumped everything that's been on my mind the last few days out to my best friend. I am scared. Scared of getting hurt. Even worse, I'm scared of a four word phrase. "I've been having doubts." That is without a doubt the worst for me. It makes my skin cringe, and to top it off it makes me think entirely too much. It makes me think so much that I cause myself to pull away from the ones I care about more than anything. I've been hurt so fucking much in the past that anything said or done that triggers my memory of a time I was hurt causes problems. I know I should let the past be the past but I can't help it when I was hurt like that. Now it takes me awhile to be able to be completely open with a person and right when I was getting to the point of being able to come completely out of my shell... there are "doubts". Now it's gonna take more time for me to bounce back from that. I don't think I'm even capable of this "bouncing back" thing, but we'll see. Well... goodnight or goodmorning to whoever is out there reading this. I hope your evening or morning is swell.

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Parents

parents. wow, i honestly don't know how they do it. day after day, night after night, they put up with some of the craziest things that we as teens dish out to them. some may argue that parents are ridiculously strict, but i beg to differ. honestly, the majority of them do what they do because they love us not because they want to "ruin" our lives. there are certain places i'm still not allowed to go to by myself with a group of friends at seventeen, but i don't question why because i already know why. should i be there in the first place? no. are the people going good influences? ehh..no. so i don't question it, and i've gotten to the point where i don't even ask. i realize, now that i'm older, that i wasn't allowed to go with certain people and to certain places because they were protecting me. i have a very open relationship with my parents, and i know i can go to them with absolutely anything i consider my self extremely lucky. i don't ever want to go a day without letting them know that i love and appreciate them for everything that they do and have done for me. without my parents, i have no clue where i would be today. my point is, don't take them for granted. if there's anything you need to talk them about whether it be drugs, sex, alcohol, relationships, just anything; they're there for that. i know some parents tend to be closed off to certain subjects, but don't hesitate to at least bring it up. and while some may think "my mom/dad doesn't know anything about this, they haven't been through it." trust me, they most likely have been through it themselves or know someone who has. i'm sure you've heard this before "you never know what you got until it's gone." that includes your loved ones.

Running<3

it. it's a free simple thing. allowing you to go wherever. wherever you want. by foot. your own feet. and your lungs. on your own feet and courage of your lungs. running. being free. letting go. taking in. letting all the world disappear for awhile. the only existence? god, yourself, and nature. the scenery surrounding you. limits? there are none unless you make them. this. this, is mental. it. it, takes a mentally tough person to do it. why? simply because only the mentally tough will push themselves to go longer and further. this thing. this thing, is what i live for. running.

Confusion?

this. this little annoyance i can't seem to rid myself of lately. if i were good at bringing it up to you, i would, but i can't. some things aren't as easy as they seem. which, this, this isn't easy at all. i'm honestly no good at it, let alone comfortable with doing so. lying awake till four am. thinking. thinking about this, and only this. go away? it just won't. conclusion? solution? i haven't got either yet. problem? problem, solved. at least for now.

Thoughts?

that. that thought, it just won't subside. won't go away. it refuses. morning and night, it crawls into my brain and haunts. haunts. nothing more than that. as it settles i drift away into dreams. dreams of nothing more than that thought. that thought. that terrible thought. defeat? defeat will only come once i forgive myself. gone? it's finally gone.